4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
