then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
