I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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