dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
