So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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