She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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