I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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