so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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