there was a trapeze. enough said
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
