I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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