Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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