if i can run in heels then i can drive
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
