someone owes me an orgasm
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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