Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
