I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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