do herpes really smell.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
