i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
