It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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