In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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