I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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