But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
