my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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