My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
