He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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