broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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