we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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