i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize