She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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