I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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