I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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