Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
