Three words: puerto rican gang bang
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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