You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
