he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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