My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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