She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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