He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he thought i was a dude.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dignity is for republicans.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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