I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
