Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
