Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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