so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
