Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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