I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
