I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
worst night to have a conscience
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
