sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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