I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
