I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
