To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
