fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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