With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
