We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
