I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
