That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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