My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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