Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
