I heard we made out
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize