Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
