The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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