when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
