one might say we're banned from that church
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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