I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
