i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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