sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
