I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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