I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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