eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
