Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
