Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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