If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
