I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
