Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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