you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
